#it'd have a degree.
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I had 1 (one) good day of like 'oh yeah, I'm a human and I know how to talk to people' and immediately after it was followed by my brain doing it's Shit.
#dear brain- shut the fuck up#'Kris why do you consider yourself the craziest person in any room you're physically in'#because most of those people don't have hallucinations and delusions.#they don't hear voices.#they don't dissociate so hard that they lose grip on reality#they don't cry because they're not sure if something is real or not and because they know the fact that they're questioning it...#whether or not it is a delusion or a hallucination- or really their the fact that they're questioning reality at all is bad#I say 'I believe xyz and I know it's not real' and people think that's Well Adjusted of me#or they're not sure what it means to believe something and know it can't be real#but it's how I have to live because trying to keep my foot too firmly in either door#the delusion isn't real. or that it doesn't exist at all-#caused me so much distress when I was younger#but sometimes. sometimes I open my mouth and a new delusion comes out and I only know I've been delusional based off of the horror#or confusion on people's faces#and because I am a Well Adjusted Crazy now#and I don't run in Mad Pride circles anymore#and I make sure I get enough sleep and I make sure I get enough to eat and I stop and I breathe and I make sure I get movement#I do All The Healthy Things just to have a fucking base line that allows me to mask#because I couldn't always.#and do you know how much I fucking hate that i have to do *so* much just to still believe there's a siren living in the train station#and that sometimes I can't take the train home because I know i'm not strong enough to avoid her song#but if I said that outloud everyone would just think I was writing poetry again#look at the metaphor- it's a little on the nose don't you think?#I am a Well Adjusted Crazy now. Did my time in the white rooms and the couches. If my therapized self was a human- it'd have graduated#it'd have a degree.#I guess in many ways... it does.
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tw // blood red water, slight nudity
There stands the root of all the world's corruption, the seed of ruin - Auriga
Pose reference under the cut!
Fate Grand Order Durga's Final Ascension Art
#BHJERBFHJJBHERBFHJBEJHRFERHFBH#IDK THIS WAS JUST ME HAVING FUN WWWWW#i was honestly thinking cause i was talking with a few friends#and i was questioning like#why does eri like to be treated the way she is?#why does she indulge in the town's corrupted activities#(i say as if she has a mind of her own)#(she does)#dol pc#degrees of lewdity#dol#dol related#eri (oc)#i thought it'd be super fun to think abt that eri is actually the reincarnation or at least a 'fragment' of auriga#because that explains why she for some reason 'resembles' kylar's dead mom to the T#and also explains why she's 'perfect for eden'#and why for some reason - her fate all aligned that she can never truly leave the town#without bailey coming to hunt her ass down#so yes thats mostly the reaosn why i decided to do this#will be doing more research on the cult of auriga before expanding on this a bit more#art#mine#my fan art#fan art#my art
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really do not think people understand the extent to which palestinian sites/landmarks (especially muslim ones) were destroyed, beginning in 1948 until now, even in cities. the oldest extant mosque in jaffa (al-bahr mosque) was built in 1675, even though islam came there in the 7th century
#not to mention that many mosques that /were/ restored but are in 'jewish areas' r heavily guarded & prayer is hardly if ever allowed#to anyone thinking ''you can say the same thing abt jewish sites in mena countries''. you can't have one repaired w/o the other#and ultimately the root of the problem is both the colonization of palestine + antisemitism. advocating for palestine + against#antisemitism are far from mutually exclusive#(and for the love of god please stop using mena jews as a political gotcha i swear to god#and it's not like a regime that forced everyone to integrate into the ''new jewish'' culture is any less genocidal)#as someone who comes from one of the jewish groups who was affected by that to arguably one of the highest degrees & who's also a staunch#antizionist even i know that. politics re: cultural site preservation are stupid but that doesn't make it any less stomach-wrenching#it really is just Luck. al-bahr mosque just so Happens to be in a ''mixed city'' so destroying it'd be a ''bad look''#the tomb of nahum just so Happens to be in an autonomous kurdish territory so restoring it isnt as big a deal#and then people have the gall to wonder how i could ever ever ever sympathize with those ''savage arabs''. seriously??#btw im muting notificaions on this post so if you have a problem with me just dm me or block me whatever idc
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Shoutout to the uh. Three other people who enjoy platonic Traveler/Wanderer. Anyways. This is an excuse to post low quality paper drawings that I did while procrastinating school work.
The power of not wanting to do work.. where was this motivation during the summer...
#AROACE LUMINE AND WANDERER REAL. TO ME#i'd just think it'd be. funny.#also getting used to drawing lumine bc I draw her once every blue moon (when we get traveller lore)#but anyways school makes me daydream about my blorbos and I jot down silly ideas#i REALLY want Wanderer grabbing a several hundred degree hot metal plate out of the oven with his bare hands to be canon though#i mean.. we had the furnace with tatarasuna.. so maybe...#idk i find the students at the akedemiya thinking 'hat guy' is human but gradually having that belief shaken#as he does weirder and weirder things funny#wuough. i just need more friendships in the general fandom#it'd be so awesome..#genshin impact#wanderer#nahida#lumine#scaramouche#uhh yeah nahida and wanderer being friends is in here so#immortal friends tag#fig rambling tag
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barking
#abacus art#degrees of lewdity#eden the hunter#eden dol#dol eden#i was having a really difficult time drawing him earlier#but it feels natural now#i'm not sure if i should tag my nameless pc#this is the same one that's in the bailey art btw#that's what the weird collar tanline is from in that btw#they got out of eden's cabin and went crawling back to bailey for a shot at warmth even though they knew it'd never come#or some emo shit like that
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something i've been learning again and again recently is that tged has absolutely wonderful reaction image material
i've been using these on my priv twitter account and it has been VERY fun scrolling back and seeing them,,, they work so well
like theyre so silly,,, they fit so well,,, i can use them in any situation,,, and the art expresses it perfectly,,,
they,,, may have replaced my tmnt ones
if i had the storage space i absolutely would go through the webtoon again to get fun screenshots for reaction image purposes,,, alas i do not so i will just use the ones i take every now and then
i love the art in tged so so much im so glad i read this webtoon
#tged#the greatest estate developer#lynn misc#genuinely i didn't think it'd knock me the fuck out of my tmnt fixation#not that im no longer interested in tmnt bc i very much still am#its just. on the backburner. cause. tged takeover in my brain#now i have. twice as many WIPs it might be a little bit of a problem#very short storytime i had actually been reading greatest estate developer since around the start of the webtoon#i liked it back when i started a lot it was one of my favorites at the time too#but the severe SEVERE attachment (thats two severes) didnt begin until way later#specifically. A WEEK BEFORE MY FINALS#do you know how devastated i was. to suddenly get severely attached to a media i like to a liferuining degree#RIGHT BEFORE THE TIME THAT I NEED TO FOCUS THE MOST#insane. insane!!! what the fuck lloyd why would u do this to me#i did in fact fail a final but its ok i still kind of passed the class
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T-Veronica Infused Steve Burnside in Resident Evil: Code Veronica X (2000)
#crimson's gifs: resident evil#Resident Evil#RE#Resident Evil: Code Veronica X#RE: Code Veronica X#RE: CVX#Code Veronica#Steve Burnside#Steve (CVX)#I feel like if Steve was brought back and they tried to give him the superhuman side effects they'd have to keep it more lowkey#Not like rose in re8 that shit stinks its so fucking off-base for RE. More like Sherry and Natalia with enhanced sight and healing#Maybe he doesnt age usually like Sherry and has enhanced strength to some degree?#It'd be cool if his thing was enhanced sight but like how he wouldn't need a scope on a sniper enhanced to match his gun affinity
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You could stay forever, if you wanted (Patreon)
#Doodles#Max Vyer#Dexter Favin#Helix#Coraline#I blame plushy brain lol#I initially wanted this to be a Max-centric Coraline AU but I realized pretty quickly that Max would just straight up get button eyes#Like it would be barely a question he would fall for it hook line and sinker#''The Beldam doesn't go after adults because children's problems and trust in parental figures'' wrong - Max Vyer#He already falls into his own world of dreams and make believe you Cannot look me in the eyes and tell me this man wouldn't get his soul#eaten in exchange for getting to actually experience his fantasies he's so dumb ;;<3#So I had to switch it to Dex because he'd actually be a challenge and the Beldam loves games lol#Okay but also imagine - Max getting duped and Dex coming to rescue him hwehh#Coraline AUs are endlessly fascinating to me because they always cut right to the core of ''This is what you want - right?''#It's that Want Vs. Need babey!!! Gah it's so good <3#Here's another question - you think the Beldam would assume the form of Madame Vyer? 'Cause yes the Matriarch role but#It's hard to argue that Dex and Max aren't the most important figures in each other's lives and her wit would kinda need to be in full focus#But it's Definitely incorrect to limit their relationship to being just guardian/paternal/filial/platonic to really any degree#Would get real awkward real fast - another reason I had to switch to Dex 'cause again he'd Resist just agh how creepy! It'd be really creepy#All that to one side for now tho lol - I really love the twist of the knife option personally ♪#Of ''I see what you want and I can give it to you exactly how it would be in your real old life - don't you want that?''#It's so invasive! So intrusive! The little doll scouting out the disappointments that could be so easily ''corrected'' hwagh#Dex finally getting actually called out for his coddling Max from Max ''himself'' and promised that he could keep doing it#That's where it hurts - to be told that you don't have to change but that this is the way reality would conform around your decisions#Ow <3 I love that#Is it everything you hoped it would be? Are you ready to give in yet? Hhhh ♥
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disappointing! will update my advisor in the morning
#sophies ramblings#was it extremely unlikely i'd get it? yes.#but it'd have been nice to KNOW#honestly mixed feelings to some degree because this is one where you cant reapply
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Mmmhh...
#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11#(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now#I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share#On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out#Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog#Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them
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Eden DoL enjoyers wanting some comfortable fluff with him.
Me, I want to 1v1 him in the woods at night with the moon high up. Stockholm Syndrome only goes so far, my PC needs to vent out her frustrations with him.
#dol#degrees of lewdity#eden dol#listen i LOVE eden so much and i love to have some fluff with him#but i need this fucker to get Lima Syndrome too. it'd be fun: pc gets stockholm'd and eden gets lima'd#eden realizes that he sort of trained pc to know how to fight back and the consequences of his actions finally catches up to him#ofc i dont wanna kill him#it's a shonen manga thing yk? i beat him up and prove my strength、he finally sees me as an equal#and feels guilty over his first relationship phase#character growth. we love to see it.#vivien talks
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cw // stalking
DOL x SCP AU
KyLar ver. 1.0.0 - SCP- 1471 (EUCLID)
'Never settle for those awkward feelings of being alone ever again! KyLar is an exciting and interactive experience that will keep you engaged and intrigued! The anxiety of social situations can be nerve-wracking but after a few hours of KyLar, you will soon forget about all those painful emotions of disappointment! Remember, the more you participate, the more KyLar will engage with you! Your experience is completely up to you!'
SCP-1471 or also known as 'KyLar' is a free to download application for mobile devices made available on several well known online applications platforms including but are not limited to: Google Play and the Apple App Store. SCP-1471 has no listed developer and has the anomalous ability to not only bypass all approval process to be listed on the online application platforms but also can not be removed by any program removal application.
Once SCP-1471 is installed in a phone, it will begin to send pictures to the user through text messaging between every 3-6 hours. All pictures will contain some detail of SCP-1471-A, either located in the foreground or background. On the first day, the pictures containing SCP-1471-A would be taken in places that are usually frequented by users in the past. However, after 48 hours, the pictures sent containing SCP-1471-A would be taken in places that were recently visited by the user. After 72 hours, the pictures sent containing SCP-1471-A would be taken of the user in real time, with shots of SCP-1471-A standing in the foreground, background or even behind the user at times. Users who have been exposed to SCP-1471 for more than 90 hours will begin to visualize or see SCP-1471-A in their peripheral vision and reflective surfaces.
SCP-1471-A has been described to be a short human male with pale skin, sunken eyes with dark eye bags and a mop of black messy unkempt hair. SCP-1471-A is always seen wearing very loose gray trousers and an oversized black hoodie. In some instances, SCP-1471-A would appear in some pictures holding a knife in one hand and some users have reported that the longer they take to respond to SCP-1471-A's pictures, he will look far more hostile and crazed in the next pictures. However, it is unclear if continued delay in response to these text messages would lead to a hostile encounter with the anomalous entity. So far, affected users, who have continued exposure to SCP-1471, had begun visualizing SCP-1471-A in real life, where SCP-1471-A would try to visually communicate with them in some way. However, all reported users have failed to understand or comprehend the meaning of these attempts.
The only way to reverse the anomalous effects that is occurring to the users will be to remove the users from the continuous exposure of the images completely before 90 hours have passed.
#dol x scp au#I'LL PROBABLY MAKE SOME MORE PROPER ENTRIES FOR THE LOVE INTERESTS SOON#cause i did tweak the SCPs a bit to better suit the DOL lore#but i do hope this is nice !!#im so sorry abt being late for halloween but literally on halloween#i could not post anything on my blog#like it was so bad and at some point i got kicked out as well#degrees of lewdity#dol#dol related#dol kylar#kylar the loner#fan art#art#mine#my fan art#my art#for now have kylar !!! i thought of making him the first one cause i recall MalO the original SCP-1471#is not a very well known SCP? so I thought it'd be good to just type in their entry#im surprised they're not more famous because early on when i started my scp journey#i couldn't click on any scp video without ever hearing malo getting mentioned
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Here be monsters again
#noooo yimo look behind you right there FUCK SHE CANT HEAR THE GHOSTBOX'S TOO LOUD#genuinely I love this song btw. yes I know it from Silent Hill downpour. No I have not played silent hill but I desperately intend to#I'll prolly be able to play the games in about two weeks actually#well sient hill 2.3 and downpour. wont play the others for a bit. I really want to play 1 tho#ocs#digital art#original character#oc art#pitske’s art#pitskederdoenerhaendler#goldtooth trio#goldtooth yimo#honestly goldtooth are all self inserts to some degree. i actually made yimo a silent hill fan like way before I was ever interested#just cause I thought it'd be funny. and look at me now. goddamn prophecy. so excited to play silent hill#THE MUSIC IN SILENT HILL IS SO PRETTY OMG-#anyways. really hyped for the fucked up stories#Spotify
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I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman
#rat rambles#did I ever actually make a proper isat talking tag? I don't remember but erm#stars posting#anyways dont count on me committing to this au too hard since Im mostly eternal gales brained rn but I am rotating ideas in my head#shes always interested me deeply as what am I if not a sucker for women who are mostly silhouettes of a character#I was mostly just thinking abt other ppls aus where she is also looping and was thinking abt how fucked it be for her in general but also#how much more fucked it would be for her if it was Only her looping#because as far as she would know theres straight up nothing that can be done to fix this and shed be stuck in a hell of what shed be sure#is her own creation#and then I thought to myself. what if she then accidentally did a loop while trying to fix it#and then my brain also said but what if loop was also there#so I did some mental gymnastics to ignore the possible problems and decided to take an extra spin on it and just sorta add her to the main#party by having her have basically wished to be able to help them defeat the king to make things right and her getting dropped earlier#on in the adventure so I can fuck around with potential character dymamics more (cough cough siffrin)#and for the actual loops I think it'd be funny if she could remember just like loop but was fully convinced that she was looping alone#so itd be siffrin and her acting at eachother trying to hide their seperate breakdowns while meamwhile loop is just staring at her with a#whole heap of mixed emotions but mostly the confusion of who the fuck is this guy???????#and sif is just like yeah thats secret. shes a powerful craft user who's craft experiments backfired and fucked up her body. duh.#and loop just Knows that thats not true but they have no real way to bring it up properly without drawing too much suspicious#oh yeah and Im calling her secret for now. in my minds eye shes like constantly putting on different fronts in hopes that one of them will#stick but shes been able to get away with it by playing up her belief in change to a cartoonish degree#shes really trying to be strong and not raise suspicion since she does want mirabelle to be able to learn and grow from this just the same#as her own mirabelle before and just wants to be able to fix the broken wish by being there to defeat the king herself#which she had already convinced herself was the reason the wish broke since she was the one stuck remembering#I should reword it to that probably because saying shes the one looping isnt Wrong but asside from sif not remembering it still entirely#revolved around him she was just the one forced to deal with it without any real way of learning how to fix it#and while she never figured out the entirety of the sif stuff it was always him taking to her that reset the loop#so she has. complicated feelings on him. she doesn't want to be avoidant or distant or to dislike him! and as time goes on she does grow to#like him a lot! but its just. hard to look him in the eye sometimes.#and then theres the horrors of the actual main game starting and the slow but horrifying realization of how badly she fucked up
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i wonder, if i ever met a dropout watcher irl and somehow managed to not drop a reference anywhere in my time around them and so they wouldn't know i watched anything from it, how fast they would catch onto me from my speech patterns, or how fast they would realize in retrospect where all these things come from upon finding out. or like, alternatively, someone getting to know me irl and then being introduced to dropout, and suddenly having a frame of reference for like. what a lot of my speaking habits are probably modeled after. does it show that i watch dropout? do i talk like a good percentage of the audible conversation i am exposed to in my daily life comes from one streaming platform? would love to know. would truly love to know
#aspen tag#it really is like. like.#there is only so much of sentence delivery you can convey online and i STILL think i'm noticable out here#but like. in my head? just fucking thinking my thoughts?#i will look back in on myself like a hall of mirrors and go “oh i am putting emphasis on this sentence exactly like brennan does”#or “oh i am doing this thing to make people laugh that i picked up from aabria”#i straight up like do not see ppl irl often or rlly even like talk to people out loud with my mouth all that much#bc not all the friends i have online rlly vc and i'm also not always awake when they do#or i'll be like bouncing around between discord and watching something and i don't catch that they're on until they're not doing it anymore#and . ..... this is a rheka voice. is what i'm doing as i'm thinking this#sorry. anyways. back on track#i don't have a job i'm not in school i have like ... just started a hobby but i haven't really connected with anyone there yet etc#the people i have conversations out loud with regularly can be sorted into two categories and they are my parents and doctors#so like i have so little frame of reference for what i am like in actual conversation with ppl just out of scarcity of data to work with#and like ..... idk. it'd be interesting#obviously i know i'm mirroring it because i'm in my own head#but i don't know to what degree it'd be noticable to other people (if at all)#it'd just be cool to dig into if i ever got the chance#and like. y'know. obviously there's like the “in-credible” level tells and shit. but like. inflection? wording habits?#the stuff that's like. influences. as opposed to direct draws. i SAID smth about this in the tags and somewhere in the edits it got lost#so. yeah. that stuff. that stuff
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just realized my fatal flaw and the great struggle of possibly the rest of my life. while watching a cdrama.
#a sock speaks#local construction#fundamentally I lack the confidence needed to be a writer or a teacher#on the one hand I can't brazen my way out of this by pretending to be confident. I need to actually have the knowledge and skills I claim.#on the other hand I can't just say I'll be confident once I have more knowledge and experience. I have a master's degree!#I want to get more school but more school on its own will not fix this#I've let opportunities pass by because I was depressed. I didn't see how I could be enough for them.#or I was too tired (because I was depressed)#but sometimes it's bc I'm not sure if trying would make things better or worse (that one's on the OCD more than depression)#it makes sense that I lack confidence because of inexperience. but I can only gain experience by going for it. doing things badly is good.#it makes sense that I'm scared to face criticism. I've faced my whole community against me.#I've been stuck at someone's house debating scripture for hours with a migraine and no food. I think that was mildly traumatic for me.#but in most cases I am physically safe and the physical fear is irrational. I can work on this with some gentle exposure therapy.#but I need to bring together the effort to organize my thoughts and the bravado to hold my ground in an argument#and I can only build up this confidence with practice. I need to write. I need to do public speaking.#I'd need a platform for speaking (I'd hate to do a podcast or vlog but it'd be good for me)#but I should write! why am I not writing more? I need to write. writing is the way forward#several years ago I was in such deep despair with life that in order to survive I told myself#that I just had to survive. I didn't have to achieve anything or prove myself in any way as long as I stayed alive#and I went to grad school in Georgia not because I saw a path to a career in biblical studies but because school made me want to be alive#(extremely bizarre case of grad school not being the problem. I know.)#I know I missed a lot of benefits I could've had if I'd been mentally healthy when I went. but it's okay because it kept me going#I can go back to school or not go back. do biblical studies or do something else. I don't have big expectations for myself#but as my mental health improves it occurs to me that I COULD do more if only I believed it was worth the effort#I don't need to fear failure when the alternative was not even attempting it#I need to write. I need to write. I need to write.#I'm thinking I might start a newsletter or blog or something. some Bible stuff and some church/social commentary. just kind of open ended.
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